So Many Questions...So Few Answers

Yesterday was the call from the vet to tell us that they have confirmed through the pathology report that it is definitely adenocarcenoma. Ok, so now we know what we are working with. But, that doesn't help me decide how far we should go with treatments. The vets can't tell me what is the best, but that we have surgery, chemo, and radiation as possible treatments. If we just do surgery, the cancer will eventually come back, but there are no timelines as to when this will happen. If we do surgery and chemo, there is no data to say it will make any difference to the timeline of events. If we do all three, it is her best chance, but then she will have three months of feeling sick and miserable during all of the various treatments, and there are no guarantees that she will have any more than a year. Without all the treatments, it could be six months to a year.

We have already done the surgery. It has been hard on Tasha. I worry that we will never get our sweet girl back after this. I know that her surgery was very invasive, but she is still slow moving, her legs are still swollen, and she gets tired very easy. The Tasha that we know and love is full of life, loves to play Frisbee, and can't get enough playing with her buddy Skol. I don't want to steal this love of live from her, I want her to have the best possible life for as long as she can.

So today has been me asking questions of myself. When am I doing what is best for Tasha and when am I just being selfish because I am not ready to say goodbye to her yet? Is my fear of cancer and the treatments of cancer keeping me from doing all that I can for her? Do dogs respond differently to these treatments than people to?

I have had friends suffer through radiation treatments and chemo and their lives ended in the hospital for the final months of their lives because they were so sick. Would it have been better to stop treatments sooner and just enjoy the time they had left, feeling stronger and better? Do I do the treatments with Tasha and prolong her life, yet she may not have the quality of life, or do I let her live her remaining days recovered from surgery and happy and strong until she is ready to leave us?

There are no answers today; only more questions, more fears, and more sadness.