A Beautiful Christmas!

We started Christmas with the opening of presents on Christmas Eve. Tasha was not into the presents as much as Skol was.

Tasha enjoyed her gift, a small black, stuffed moose, and she brought it to bed with her that night.

In the morning, Tasha wasn't feeling very good. I was worried we had taken a turn for the worse, but as the day progressed, she perked up. While I was cooking the pups kept me company and watched for any yummy morsels that might happen to drop to the floor.








Once the food was prepared and the house decorated, Tasha decided that she was feeling better and wanted to go outside and play. Kevin and I had tears in our eyes watching her catch her Frisbee for the first time since she was diagnosed.

Our family arrived soon after our playtime outside, so we did our final tasks for dinner and sat for a wonderful dinner. We laughed, we ate, we exchanged gifts, and we just enjoyed a wonderful Christmas together.



Happy Holidays!!!!!

So Many Questions...So Few Answers

Yesterday was the call from the vet to tell us that they have confirmed through the pathology report that it is definitely adenocarcenoma. Ok, so now we know what we are working with. But, that doesn't help me decide how far we should go with treatments. The vets can't tell me what is the best, but that we have surgery, chemo, and radiation as possible treatments. If we just do surgery, the cancer will eventually come back, but there are no timelines as to when this will happen. If we do surgery and chemo, there is no data to say it will make any difference to the timeline of events. If we do all three, it is her best chance, but then she will have three months of feeling sick and miserable during all of the various treatments, and there are no guarantees that she will have any more than a year. Without all the treatments, it could be six months to a year.

We have already done the surgery. It has been hard on Tasha. I worry that we will never get our sweet girl back after this. I know that her surgery was very invasive, but she is still slow moving, her legs are still swollen, and she gets tired very easy. The Tasha that we know and love is full of life, loves to play Frisbee, and can't get enough playing with her buddy Skol. I don't want to steal this love of live from her, I want her to have the best possible life for as long as she can.

So today has been me asking questions of myself. When am I doing what is best for Tasha and when am I just being selfish because I am not ready to say goodbye to her yet? Is my fear of cancer and the treatments of cancer keeping me from doing all that I can for her? Do dogs respond differently to these treatments than people to?

I have had friends suffer through radiation treatments and chemo and their lives ended in the hospital for the final months of their lives because they were so sick. Would it have been better to stop treatments sooner and just enjoy the time they had left, feeling stronger and better? Do I do the treatments with Tasha and prolong her life, yet she may not have the quality of life, or do I let her live her remaining days recovered from surgery and happy and strong until she is ready to leave us?

There are no answers today; only more questions, more fears, and more sadness.

Trying to find Christmas

I heard on the radio this morning that I am not the only one that is having a hard time finding the joy around the holiday's this year. For many the worries about our country and the economy has become so overwhelming that it has made it difficult to wrap around the feelings surrounding the holiday. I have many of the same worries regarding our country and the economy and it is certainly affecting our moods, but I also feel that Tasha's diagnosis has also brought a level of anxiety to the house.

We have put up the tree and the decorations around the house. I have wrapped presents and put them under the tree. I delivered some of the presents to friends already and although I felt the happiness that comes from sharing gifts with others, it didn't last long and fear and anxiety returned. I am hopeful that with the time that is left before the holiday, I can reach deep down and allow the joy of the holiday to come out. I want to replace the stress and anxiety that is surrounding our house with happiness so that the pups do not sense and react to the stress, but rather relax and feel safe.

I searched through the archive of pictures for Tasha and Skol during Christmas and found the two below. They did bring a smile remembering the fun we had on this particular Christmas.



Our little Tasha Reindeer!


Out little Skol not wanting to wear his hat.

What comes after exhausted?

So my day started with tears, but only because I was sad about leaving my sweet puppies while I went to work. Tasha as you can see from the picture was staying close to me as I got ready. I made her comfortable in the kitchen, with blankets, water, and a nice bed right in the most coveted sun spot in the room. I had to put her plastic collar on, in order to prevent her from pulling at her staples and stitches. I hated seeing her in this, because she banged into walls and was miserable in it, but I knew it was necessary. I couldn't bring myself to take her picture in it because she hates it so much.

I could tell that Skol was needing a little extra attention too; you can see in the picture that he is sitting on the "sick blanket" looking ever so cute so he would get a special hug before I left for work. He is such a good boy and he is being so sweet to his girl. My favorite is to watch him lay in front of Tasha, nose to nose, and he watches her sleep and kisses the top of her head. He is so gentle with her, so loving.

Even though it was hard, I made it to work and knew that Tasha was being well cared for by my husband. I did my day at work and made my way home. When I got home my husband told me that Tasha had got a little spunk to her and jumped up onto the bed. I quickly checked her stitches and everything looked ok. But an hour later, as we were making dinner, Tasha started to have drainage and it wouldn't stop. I immediately called the vet, who told me to watch her during the night and if it got worse, bring her in immediately.

So, Tasha and I stayed up all night. I held her on the floor to keep her calm, quiet and still and held a towel on her to keep her wound from draining. At 8:00 AM I decided to take her into the vet again, as it just didn't seem right for the wound to still be draining. We arrived at the vet and they looked her over and ran new blood tests.

The good news is that it turned out to be lymph drainage, which is actually a good thing. So the vet sent us home with good news and told us that she was really doing well after such invasive surgery after such a short time ago. We then went home and I worked while she slept.

I am exhausted after staying up with her all night, but I am blessed to have had another day with her. So, even tired, I am thankful for another wonderful day with my sweet pups!

Another Day....A little Stronger

Tasha was in more pain last night, I am sure because of the car ride home and getting in and out of the car. I put a futon mattress down on the floor in the bedroom and slept on the floor with her to keep her comfortable. Because she was in pain, she needed more attention during the night, so I woke whenever she needed me, to make her feel safe and comfortable.

I decided to stay home with her for another day and she and Skol slept together while I worked. I am happy to report that Tasha ate two meals today and a snack tonight. She also took a walk out to the mailbox with me, so she seems to be feeling better and gaining more strength each day.



We decided to decorate for Christmas tonight, because we wanted the house to feel the spirit of the holiday; in the hope that it would help overcome the sadness that we are feeling. Tasha had her blanket on the floor and watched as we decorated. Skol enjoyed the festivities on the couch sleeping.

Tomorrow I need to go back to work and my heart breaks just thinking about leaving her for the day. But she is stronger and Kevin will take good care of her while I am gone, so it is time to start back at life again.

Our Journey Thus Far

It all started with Tasha playing out in the yard, getting really tired, throwing up, and just being sluggish. I wasn't too worried, because sometimes dogs get sick and it clears up right away. So when we got up the next day and she was running and playing with her faithful sidekick Skolby, I thought everything had passed.

Four days later, she wakes up moving very slowly and throws up again. She followed me around the house ad wouldn't leave my side, which was not typical for her, as she is the more independent one of the two dogs. I looked her body up and down and noticed some swelling in her rectum, so I immediately took her to the vet.

Once at the vet, they did a rectal exam and became very concerned that they felt a mass that needed to be reviewed right away. They immediately set up an appointment with the University of Georgia's Vet Hospital in Athen's GA. Our world was changing quickly and we could hardly believe it. She still looked so healthy, yet it appeared that looks can be deceiving.

So we started our journey to Athen's together. To the hospital and to the vets who would hopefully tell us that it was something easy to cure and not cancer. After all, it is Christmas time, so why wouldn't I think that we could have a miracle?! We arrive at the hospital and they take us in and start to perform an examination and various tests to determine what is wrong with our sweet little girl. The initial results are not good, they indicate cancer but further tests are required to be sure. So I sign paperwork and await my pups return to me. The tests last all day and I am allowed to come back and visit with her later that evening. The vet tells me that she is fairly certain that this is cancer and surgery is an important next step, and they would like to do the surgery the next day. I am sad, I am scared, and I am still hoping for the surgery to prove that it is something that is easily explainable and easy to treat. After all, only four days ago, my pup seemed perfectly healthy and happy.

Tasha and I spent the next day together awaiting for her surgery. It was great to have a day with her, but not in a hospital. You can see from the picture that she was nervous, but we were together so we tried to make the best of it. We laid on the floor, took naps, chased her favorite toy across the room. The hours moved slowly by while we waited. Many emergencies came in, so her surgery got pushed back again and again. Then just as we thought it wouldn't happen, they came in to get her and take her back. I kissed her goodbye, told her I loved her and then waited. Six hours later I got the word that she was out of surgery. It was more involved than originally thought, the spleen was involved, several lymph nodes were involved, and the original tumor was quite large. Now we need to see how she comes out of the surgery.

The next day after surgery, I went to visit her in the morning. The vet is concerned because she has paralysis in her back legs. She is not able to use her back legs. She is carried with a sling into the room with me. I visit with her for a few hours and she is taken back with a cart to the ICU so she can receive more fluids. I come back later in the evening, with a bag full of yummy goodies that she could eat. When I get there, she is able to move her legs and walk with support, she is in pain, but she eats turkey and cheese from me while she lays there. I, again, stay with her for another few hours and she is taken back to ICU. I went back to the hotel for the night.

The next day, my sweet girl took her first steps on her own. It was not nerve damage from the surgery, so good news! We visit and she eats more snacks. The vets tell me that during the night her blood counts had dropped, so she must watch again overnight. This means that she can't come home with me. I stay with her for as long as I am allowed and then leave. I can't come back for a visit that night because it is a weekend and there is no one to let me in. So I make the long ride back home to surprise my family.

I arrive home and my good little boy is awaiting my return. He greets me with kisses and I lay with him on the couch and make him feel safe. He sleeps by me on the floor near the bed all night, he can smell Tasha on my clothes, but seems confused why she is not here with us now. We both sleep. I awake first thing in the morning and make my long drive back to the hospital to go and pick up my girl.

I pick up my girl and we make the journey back home. She is tired, in pain, but happy to be heading home. We are home now and we await what life has to bring us over the next few months.




Now we wait and see how she does from the surgery and if she will need chemotherapy as well. We will hear mid-next week the final lab results on the tumors removed. So, again we wait. More news to come as we have it.

Who is Tasha and why this blog?

Tasha came to us at a little over 9 weeks old. I remember going to pick her up, I was so excited to see her and bring her home. I arrived at Denise's house and she was waiting for me. I scooped her up and we got into my car to start the long ride home. We made it to the highway before she stepped up onto my lap...looked up at me with those sweet eyes and proceeded to throw up all over my lap. Then she walked over to the passenger's seat and went poop, whined and cried the rest of the way home. Nothing she did could take away from the fact that I loved her with all my heart; she was my baby girl!


On December 12th our world was shattered when we learned that our sweet little girl had adenocarcinoma and could die quickly without medical intervention. This blog is to document the her life to this point, as well as her life battling cancer.