Life With Tasha and Skol

Our Final Days/Our Final Hours

2009-07-12T06:11:00.000-07:00

I write that it was our final days, yet I did not know it would be our final days; and I did not know our final hours would come when they did. The nights were the hardest, as that seemed to be the time when she could not get comfortable or settle in. We would have "cookie time" and play with "tennie" (what we named the tennis ball she found). So each night, I would lay with her, give her cookies, roll the tennie at her, tell her that I was there, and try to keep her as comfortable as possible. Thursday night was the most difficult, she would give out frustrated cries and want to go outside; so we spent the night going in and out, trying to make her feel more comfortable. Around 6:00 AM she finally settled in, so I stayed with her, laying there in bed, letting her sleep, letting her rest.

When she was ready she got up, we walked to the kitchen and I noticed her back legs give out when she hit the kitchen floor. I caught her and helped her to the carpet and she seemed to steady herself. I made her breakfast, she ate it with great enjoyment, so my worry lessened, as everyone told me that she would stop eating when the end was near. We then proceeded with our normal routine, outside to be brushed on the deck, and then a quick game of Frisbee. On the first throw I noticed that although she wanted to play, her legs kept twisting under her. I said to her, "We might have to give up Frisbee Time, huh girl?" She sat down, but cried out for me to throw the Frisbee..so we played a game of her sitting and me throwing it to her. She seemed to enjoy herself.

We came inside, she seemed nervous about walking across the kitchen floor, so I helped her get to the carpet. She had a drink of water and then came and laid next to me while I settled in to work. During the day, she laid just outside the office door, where she could see me, but where she could stretch out. At lunch I made my lunch and she watched from her spot, not moving, which was unusual, but I don't think I thought it was odd. I brought her a bowl of milk and she got up and came into the office to have her milk. Again, I thought, she is ok, she is still eating and drinking. When she was done, she went back to her spot on the floor and slept.

At 3:30 she gave our a frustrated cry, which is usual for her when she needs to go to the bathroom. So I decided to take a break and take the pups outside and check the mail. Tasha was laying closest to the front door, so I decided to take them out that way. I opened the door and Skol went running out but Tasha did not. I walked through the door, out to the front porch, and looked back and she was just laying, looking at me. I called to her, coaxing her out, she got up and tried to walk towards me and hit the foyer floor and her legs gave out. I ran to her and helped her up, worried now, but helped her outside, down the stairs and into the yard. I thought once she was on the grass, her legs would get better. She tried to take a few steps and her back legs twisted and gave out and she fell to the ground. She got scared and got herself up and tried to make it back into the house. She made it back to the stairs, but when she attempted the stairs, her legs gave out again and she started to fall down the stairs. I ran to her and caught her, brought her into the house and put her on the couch. She laid there, ears back, scared.

I knew it was time, I knew she was suffering. I woke my husband and told him that she wasn't doing well. He came out and called him to her....she got up and went to him, but he saw her stumble and told her it was ok and to lay down. I called the vet, they agreed it was time and to come at 6:00. It was happening, she was going to go to sleep at 6:00, she would be out of pain. Until then, I laid on the floor with her and gave her all the love that I could.

At 5:30, we got ready to go. I did not seem real. Tasha fell as we made our way to the car. I helped her into the car, we go to the vet. It was supposed to be peaceful, it was supposed to be Tasha laying down to be comfortable; Kevin, Skol and I surrounding her, letting her know that she was loved. The reality: Tasha was nervous, kept trying to get up, but her legs wouldn't hold her. Skol was nervous and pacing. The vet shaved her front paw to put the needle in and Tasha got more nervous and cried out. I held her close, whispered to her how much I loved her and that she would be free of pain soon. The vet tried to put the needle in, Tasha's vein collapsed. The vet tried again, still no luck. She tried a third time, it did not work. I started to think this wasn't right, we made the wrong decision.

Tasha's nerves got worse. The vet tried the other paw; still no luck. I feel myself start to panic; are we making a mistake, but the vet explains that this is what happens towards the end. To remain calm for Tasha. The vet leaves and comes back with a sedative and gives it to Tasha. She says she will be back in five minutes, when it takes affect. Tasha begins to settle, she lays down, her tongue startes to come out of her mouth lazily, she puts her head down. She is calm now, I am holding her. The vet comes back, she puts a catheter in, this works, she administers the drugs. Tasha doesn't move, just becomes more relaxed, she doesn't move again. The vet listens for a heart beat, she tells us she is gone. I hold her tight and sob. My sweet girls is gone.

I sob and cry that I have killed my sweet girl, how could I have done this. I question everything that has just happened. My husband tries to comfort me, the vet explain it was the right thing to do. I am heart broken. Then I remember the poem dearest Julia sent to me that morning:

If it be I grow frail and weak,
And pain should wake me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done,
For this last battle can’t be won.

You will be sad, I’ll understand,
Don’t let your grief then stay your hand,
For this day more than all the rest,
Your love and friendship stand the test.

We’ve had so many happy years,
What is to come will hold no fears,
You’ll not want me to suffer, so,
When the time comes, please let me go.

I know in time, you too will see,
It is a kindness you do me,
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering, I’ve been saved.

Do not grieve that it should be you,
Who has to decide this thing to do
We’ve been so close, we two, these years,
Don’t let your heart hold any tears.

It comforts me, helps me leave my sweet girl who's shell is laying there on the floor of the vet's office wrapped in the towel we brought to keep her warm. I say goodbye one last time and we leave.

Today and yesterday, I am grieving. I miss my dear girl and Skol misses his dear friend. We both walk the house expecting her to come out from a room and want to go play outside. She will not come, but we still wish for it to happen. I try now to hold on to the second poem Julia sent to me, the one that helps me through the tough moments during the day when my pain of missing her is so strong.

Do not stand at my grave and weep; I am not there. I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush I am the swift uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there. I did not die.

When I need to feel her, I go outside and feel the wind on my face and imagine that it is her running by, on four strong legs; no longer in pain, free from the cancer; at peace, happy. My sweet girl who only knew happiness even through cancer. I will love you my sweet girl, forever and a day!

As The End Draws Near

2009-06-07T07:33:00.000-07:00

Tasha is starting to fail. The last week in May she started to have trouble going to the bathroom and we went to the vet to see what was wrong. It turns out that the drugs that we had her on to prevent the spread of cancer, had caused a blockage and was preventing her from being able to go. Both the holistic vet and our regular vet did an extensive exam and determined that not only did Tasha need to stop taking the drugs that we had her on, but also that her cancer had spread and there was a tumor that was growing inside her intestine, which was adding to the problem. They gave her only a few days to live.

I went home preparing to watch my sweet girl pass, but I also wanted to make it as comfortable as possible for her, so a new diet and a pain pills to avoid any discomfort were in our treatment plan. We received a miracle in that the diet seemed to bring Tasha some must needed relief and she became comfortable and full of new energy.

With this change in Tasha's health, we decided to make our originally planned trip to Connecticut to see my family. So I packed up a rented mini-van and we started on our way. My husband was not able to come with us, so he made sure to say his goodbyes to Tasha, as we were not sure she would make it back from the trip; then we started our journey.

We spent the week with my family and Tasha seemed to really do well. She spent her days playing in the yard with her Buddy, playing Frisbee, and sleeping whenever she was tired. Our schedules were entirely for Tasha and how she was feeling.

Buddy was very protective of his girl and was always in the yard with her, or laying directly below her at the foot of the bed.

Since returning from the trip, Tasha is tired and we are watching the signs that the vet said would happen. Her lymph nodes are affected, so her legs are swelling and require daily massage to keep them from causing her pain. As the days progress, we can see that her time is growing short and we watch for the signs when she tells us that she has had enough and she is ready to pass.

I am grateful for the time that we had on vacation and my husband was so thankful to see that Tasha made it home to him. We enjoy each moment with her and although we are sad to see that her time is drawing near, we know she has had a good life and she has been loved.

Life Moving On...Things Ever Changing

2009-05-16T07:41:00.000-07:00

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind. The pups and I made a trip out to Nebraska to see Sara (my step-daughter) graduate from high school. There are times when I look at the pups and think they are still young and not sick and then I remember that ten years have gone by since they came into my life; nothing sealed the passing time more than seeing Sara graduate. My thoughts of Sara are of this little girl who was shy, reserved, but always full of fun and excitement. On May 9th, I got to see her in a new light, as a woman starting the next phase of her life. She is strong, she is smart and she has the whole world ahead of her. I have moments of jealousy when I look at her, because there are parts of me that wish I could do it all over again; wondering what I would do differently, how it would change the life I lead now. The other moments are filled with hope and joy when I look at her, because I know that she can be anything; this is her moment to shine and I can't wait to watch it unfold.

As the time moves on and things continue to change, I still relish each and every moment that I have with the people and pups in my life. The pups are doing well, they enjoyed the trip and we got to spend and entire week just being together. I still worry each day as I look into their eyes; is this the day that you decide to leave, but I try to push those thoughts from my mind and focus the moment. In this moment we are doing well and we are enjoying the day.

Below are some pictures of our trip:

This is Sara at honor's night. she was being recognized for the achievement of receiving a Bronze metal for the score she obtained on her ACT test.

We rented an RV for the trip to Nebraska. Tasha loved the bed right by the window. She could enjoy the entire ride laying on the bed, watching out the window, or snoring the time away.

The pups also enjoyed finally getting to Nebraska and being able to hang out together in the hotel room.

Sara, getting her diploma. I am not sure who is more excited, her or her Dad and I.

Living Happy...Even With Stress

2009-04-26T14:01:00.000-07:00

When you have a loved one that is sick, you know how short and precious life is. But the day-to-day grind of life can wipe it from your mind. This list helps me stay focused on what is important each day and keeps my focus on what is important.

1. Upon arising in the morning, one must immediately say “My goal today is….”
2. Live with the 3 Es: Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy.
3. Play more games than last year.
4. Read more books than last year.
5. Look at the sky at least once a day, appreciating the majesty of the world that surrounds us.
6. Smile and laugh more often.
7. Make peace with your past, so as not to ruin your present.
8. Learn something new every day.
9. Work will not take care of us when we are sick. Our friends will. Stay in contact with them.
10. Each day, before going to sleep, say: I am thankful for _______________. Today, I succeeded in _____________________.

My friend gave birth to a happy, healthy baby on the 13th. I remember a time when she experienced a great tragedy and now she is experiencing a great joy. The cycle of life which is ever changing gives us strength during the challenges we face. I hold unto this each day, no matter what the future holds.

Things Still Going Well...

2009-04-21T12:32:00.000-07:00

As of Easter Sunday, we celebrated four months since the diagnosis and prognosis of 4 to 6 weeks. We will take all the time that we can get!!!

Saturday was a beautiful day and Tasha took full advantage of it. See the picture below of her day of relaxing in the sun and periodic Frisbee playing.

We came in from the day of fresh air and Tasha was ready for some serious sleep. As you can see below, once she was out, she wasn't getting up until morning. Thank goodness Horton was up for a long sleep too (Horton is her stuffed elephant that grandma gave her)

Today, I am working from home while the pups relax and enjoy the day in the office with me.

Our trip to Nebraska is just two weeks away. We are looking forward to seeing how the pups react to an RV trip.

Well back to work for me and back to napping for the pups!

Playing Catch Up...

2009-03-15T08:46:00.001-07:00

I have been given the riot act for not posting of our return and of being absent from the blogosphere lately and for that I apologize. Let me see if I can make it up by getting everyone up-to-date.

First, our trip was wonderful. We were able to spend time with my family and the pups were able to spend a whole week with Momma and everyone was very happy. Our memories of the trip are:

Monday: We woke to a surprise, there was snow on the ground! It was not a lot of snow, but it would have shut roads down in Atlanta!

We had a little trouble on Monday, it was the second day of our journey and we got lost in New Jersey for a bit. Even with the fact that we got lost, we enjoyed the trip together and we got to my parent's house around 7:00 PM and were welcomed with a wonderful Swedish meal of sausage and plenty of veggies to make up for my junk food diet along the way. The pups enjoyed seeing their Grandma and Grandpa and gave lots of kisses, but were ready for a long nights sleep. We unpacked and had a great night's sleep.

Tuesday: What a day. The pups got to spend the morning playing in the yard, being spoiled by Grandma with lots of boiled chicken and treats. Then we drove up to see my brother and had a wonderful lunch of fish stew and more treats for the pups. The best part of the day was when it started snowing and the pups and I went out and played with Ian in the snow. Ian also played a guitar solo while we were there, which was incredible. All in all, just a great day. And I got to drive home in a blizzard which brought back great memories of living in New England!

Wednesday: Today we rested and just relaxed. My Dad made a wonderful breakfast and then we watched TV and talked and just let the pups play and nap during the day. Tonight was the night for fish and chips for dinner. I can always count of my Dad to bring me food that I can't get easily while in Atlanta.

Thursday: Today was "Karen To Do List" Day. I spent the day repairing faucets, dusting walls and ceilings, fixing wiring, setting up computers and printers, and trying to repair paint and wallpaper issues. It was a long day, but my Dad made it relaxing at the end of the day by getting Friendly's for dinner and ordering a movie for the night. Between the delicious dinner, the great movie and the ice cream for desert the pups and I slept great this night. And the pups are such good helpers, they loved all the activity today, and really enjoyed the frisbee playing out in the yard.
Friday: Today was a day of organization, which was fun. We spent the day cleaning out the closet in the computer/guest room. I know it was difficult for my Mom to let go of things, but I hope that in the end she is happy that she now has a room to relax and work on her computer or simply relax and read. The pups certainly loved the new cleaned out room, they spent the day watching us clean by laying on the futon and sleeping all afternoon.

Saturday: We started our journey back. We left in the morning and drove to Roanoke, Virginia. It was a great hotel, we had a wonderful suite, but it was on the third floor, so it was quite an experience getting two pups and all the luggage up to the room before being able to settle in for the night. I will say that traveling on your own with pups is challenging when you are trying to keep the pups safe and happy, but also try to get all the work done of arriving and unpacking a vehicle.

Sunday: We made it home. Kevin was so excited to see us and the pups were so happy to be home. It is funny that pups are much the same as us when it comes to vacation - vacations are wonderful, but it is always good to be home too.

Getting back was a lot of work as well, we needed to unpack and I needed to start work the next day. We also heard back from all the tests that Tasha had before we left and we were sad to learn that her cancer is back already. So, again, the journey is to keep her as happy and as comfortable as possible and wait for her to tell us she has had enough.

It is safe to say that she is not ready to go anywhere yet. We had a snow storm here in Georgia, which allowed the pups to have another day of romping in the snow.

We are now planning for the next big trip. The pups and I are going to busy in May. Should Tasha be ok, we will be traveling to Nebraska to see Sara graduate, and to Connecticut to stay with my Dad while my Mom travels to Idaho for my Grandmother's 90th birthday party. In between, we will enjoy every moment and hope for the best.

Road Trip!!!!!

2009-02-15T17:28:00.000-08:00

Tasha, Skol and I are on a road trip; we are heading to New England to visit my family. Today was the start of our journey, we drove from McDonough, GA to Staunton, VA. I have some great pictures of our trip so far:

Tasha wanted to make sure that no matter what, we remembered to bring her Frisbee with us. She wasn't going to take any chances, so she decided to bring it with her everywhere for the day before our trip started.

It took an hour this morning to figure out a way to get all the suitcases and boxes into the SUV rental and still allow Tasha and Skol to have the entire back of the vehicle to stretch out and sleep for the long drive.

We went from GA into South Carolina, then into North Carolina, and finally into Virgina for today. We are now stopped at the hotel for some much needed rest before we make the rest of our journey tomorrow.

Below are some cute shots of the pups in the car, during the drive:

They were both wide awake for the start of the trip. They wanted to make sure that they didn't miss a car or truck passing us.

Then Skol started to think that he might just start to fall asleep, if he could just get comfortable.

OHHH YEA THAT'S THE SPOT!

Finally Tasha puts her head down and tries to take a short nap.

I will post more pictures of the second half of our trip tomorrow. Thanks for all the well wishes today, they made the long ride fly right by!

A Tribute To Our Friend!

2009-02-13T17:57:00.000-08:00

Buster! Even though Skolby, Tasha and I have never actually met Buster, we have heard of him through our friend Julie and we want him to know that we are thinking about him and hope that he feels better soon.

Buster has been suffering with terrible pain in his back and has just started seeing a chiropractor to see if they can get him off steroids and walking comfortably again. It is horrible to see your beautiful pups suffering with any pain, so we wish him luck in his treatments and hope that he is up and walking around soon. Tasha and Skol simply adore Julie, so any furry friend of Julie's is a dear friend of ours!

Daily LIfe

2009-02-07T07:56:00.000-08:00

I know that it can be stressful to take care of someone that you care about who is sick, however, I wonder if it is a state of mind. Don't get me wrong, I have many days where I look at the pups and can only think of the fact that they are sick and I am overwhelmed with sadness thinking of the day that they won't be here with me. But what I mean is that there is a sense of joy that I get from the daily routine that we have made for ourselves. I used to think that my days were so full, that I couldn't possibly add any more to it. Yet, what I have found is that there is always time to do things for the ones that you love. What is our routine like?

Every two weeks I sit down on a Saturday (like today) and make a menu for the next two weeks. The key to making your own dog food is that you need to change things up on the vegetables and fruits in order to make sure that your pups are getting the nutrition that they need. Once the menu is selected, then it is a trip to Sam's to buy supplies in bulk.

Sunday is the day that we cook for the week, I have always tried to do this for Kevin and I so now I just add cooking for the dogs at the same time. The funny part is that I can typically cook 3 meals for Kevin and I in the time it takes me to cook one week's worth of food for the pups. Making dog food is like making your own Chinese food, there is so much chopping and prep work that it takes longer. But again, instead of looking at this as a chore, I enjoy the methodical nature of chopping and cooking and knowing that I am making food that helps to keep the pups feeling good.

Each morning we get up early so that I can get the pups breakfast together. There is the warming of the food, the mixing of the medicine/herbs, the making sure that the pups are eating their own meals and not the others, cleaning the bowls, and letting the pups out to go to the bathroom and checking to make sure that everything is ok with their poop. Yes that's right, I have to check poop daily to make sure that they are solid, do not contain blood, and the pups are not straining. The reason for this is because all of the drugs/herbs that they are on can have side effects which need to be watched for and adjustments to their diet and meds if needed.

The routine starts again at dinner time. Then there are massages to help keep circulation in the pups legs, as they both had lymph nodes removed and we need to make sure that they are able to keep fluid from building up.

Right before bed, there is another snack, as we have discovered that going from dinner to breakfast is too long and cause the pups to vomit in the morning without the snack in between.

You would think with this routine each day, that it would become tiring or that you wouldn't be able to find other things to do in between. But it has become my way of starting the day and my way of ending the day and the time between is plenty to work and build more memories.

So for those that are taking care of a loved one who is sick, I know how tiring it can be, but it can also be rewarding when you watch how your efforts help to make them feel better. I look at my pups each day and am in amazement at how well they are doing. My goal of keeping them as happy as possible until they are ready has been a great experience so far.

Time Worthy

2009-02-04T17:18:00.000-08:00

I keep remembering the Seinfeld episode where Elaine learns that they are no longer going to make the contraceptive sponge, which was her favorite method of birth control. From that point on whenever she thought about having sex with a person, she had to decide if he was worthy of using one of her remaining sponges; thus coining the term "sponge-worthy."

I have become that way with my time. This weekend, I was looking at potential cars, as we are looking at purchasing a hybrid. Not that car shopping is fun, because it is actually a chore that I only do when needed; but as I sat waiting for the Sales Manager to come back with an offer, I kept thinking to myself, is the time being spent "pup-worthy?" After all, I was spending time away from the pups, it was something that I didn't enjoy doing and in the end they did not offer me a good price, so I ended up spending three hours doing something that didn't end up producing anything and it was three hours that I could have been playing with the pups and enjoying them.

I find myself wanting to take this idea and wrap it around my life; how important life is and how I need to be created more memories. I have been so focused on work and the daily grind of life that I often make it from Point A to Point B without remembering how I got there. My goal is to not only appreciate every moment that I have left with my dear pups, but to learn how to step back and enjoy the journey of my life.

Each Day Is Special

2009-01-18T12:44:00.001-08:00

Last Friday we were given the news that Skol also had cancer. The tumor on his leg that was biopsied and diagnosed as a fatty tumor turned out, upon removal, to be soft tissue sarcoma. What does this mean? Well I have learned a lot about cancer over the past month, so basically this means that Skol has cancer, but it is a cancer that does not spread, but will continue to come back again and again, as there is no cure for it. Long-term prognosis is that eventually it will grow to a point that it compromises his quality of life, but that should be at least a year away.

When you are told that one of your dogs has cancer, you think how sad it is, but when both your dogs are diagnosed with cancer within weeks of one another, you wonder if it is something that you did, or if it was the environment which they live, or some other factor that you could have controlled. This way of thinking has kept me in a very dark place over the last week.

Friday, we had another visit with the vet and after much explanation from the vet, I have learned that sometimes it is just the course of an animal's life. Both my dear pups are considered "elderly" and as such run the risk of developing illness based on their age. Tasha has a form of cancer that is common in older female German Shepherds. Skol has a very different form of cancer that is common in older large breed dogs. Two different types of cancer, in two different dogs, who just happen to be my babies. Heartbreaking, yes; but unfortunately a reality of having animals and watching them get older.

I am doing everything I can for them. The best diet, the best herbs and medicine, the best care, and all the love that I can give them. We never know how much time we will have with a loved one and being given a diagnosis that puts a timestamp on it, makes you realize even more how precious each moment is.

A New Day Comes With New Hope

2009-01-09T09:38:00.000-08:00

Well the "fixer" in me couldn't completely stop the research and we've done a great deal in the past week. Through friends' research and my own, there seemed to be hope in herbal supplements. Let me first say, that there is no cure for this cancer. Even the surgery, radiation, and chemo are not cures, they are only used to slow the progression of this type of cancer down. With that said, there is great promise shown in some medications and herbs in slowing down the progression of this type of cancer as well.

I do want to warn those of you who read this blog, to do your research carefully and do not believe everything that is on the web, because there are so many claims made, much of which is not proven and some of which is not safe for your animals.

Through my research I was able to find a Vet in Atlanta who is a holistic vet and offers nutritional plans as well as herbal and various medicinal treatments for dogs with cancer. Below please find our treatment plan that we have worked out for Tasha:

A new diet:
1. We are putting Tasha on the "Cancer Diet," which is high in protein and low in carbs. This decision is because there are studies that show that tumor cells grow rapidly when provided with carbohydrates, yet slow down when deprived of carbs and fed with fats. Therefore we have the following recipe:
  1. 50% Meat or fish
  2. 50% Veggies (Including Shitake Mushrooms to get D-Fraction)
  3. Flax Seed Oil
  4. Centrum
  5. Tums
2. The biggest factor in her diet is to keep her eating and not losing any weight.

Herbal Supplements:
1. Hoxey:
  1. This supplement has shown promise in people with malignant cancer and is being studied in companion animals for the same benefits. We will keep Tasha on this for the first year and then determine the effectiveness.
2. Double-Strength Fish Oil:
  1. This supplement has shown to improve the quality of life for cancer patients, slow weight loss and slow the growth and metastasis of tumors. She must be on a very high dosage of this to see results.
3. Cell Advance 880 Antioxidant:
  1. This supplement should not be used for animals who are undergoing radiation or chemo, but as Tasha is not going to have those treatments, it has shown to enhance the effectiveness of the other drugs that she is on.

Medications:
1. Piroxicam:
  1. This a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug, which has proven to aid in the treatment of certain cancers that are affecting the lymphatic system. We will watch her carefully on this drug, as we do not want her to experience stomach upsets and lose weight.

If we find that Tasha is tolerating the above treatment well, we are considering adding Poly-MVA to her regimen, as it has also shown progress in treatment of adenocarcinoma.

I also wanted to share that there is a long list of other supplements that have not shown any evidence of helping with cancer in dogs, yet they are distributed throughout the internet. Please be advised to work with a certified holistic vet before determining what is the best treatment for your loved ones. A short list of items you should stay away from are listed below:

Beta-Glucan
CoQ10
Colostrum
Conjugated Linoleic Acid
Ellagic Acid
Enzymes
Glutathione
IP-6
Lycopene
MGN-3
Melatonin
Shark Cartilage
Shark Liver Oil
Vitamin D
Transfer Factor
Astagalus
Berry and fruit juices (Noni, Acai, Goji and others)
Black Walnut
Cancell
Cansema
Carnivora
Coriolus Versicolor
Essiac (Flor-Essence)
European Mistletoe
Graviola
Green Tea Extract
Grapeseed Extract
Ginseng
Haelan
Neoplasene
Pau D'Arco
Red Clover
Saw Palmetto
Wheat Grass and Wormwood

We have started the new program with Tasha today and I will keep you posted on her progress.

Also, another quick note. Our sweet boy Skol, or Buddy as we like to call him, is currently undergoing surgery to remove a fatty tumor from his leg. We are hopeful that this surgery has no complications. We will be changing his diet as well, but not to the low carb diet, but a homemade diet to keep him healthy and at a good weight.

More updates soon.

The Start Of A New Year...

2009-01-02T06:32:00.000-08:00

I really can't believe that we have made it through the holidays. It has been a mixture of joy, sadness, and worry. I have tried very hard to enjoy every moment of the holidays, the family members who shared it with us, the friends who shared love and concern, and just the glorious feelings the holidays bring. Today, however, brings me back to the decision that was the elephant sitting in the room throughout the holidays that no one wanted to acknowledge; do I continue treatment for Tasha or not.

So for those of you who know me well, I have pulled together a pros and cons list to help me make the decision.

Medical Point of View:

Pros:

Potential to extend Tasha's Life.

Dogs and Cats do not experience chemo and radiation the way that humans do.

We have the capability to do more, why not do it.

Cons:

Tasha could (with a high probability) have permanent side affects.
1. Fecal Incontinence
2. Urinary Incontinence
3. Additional tumors caused by radiation
4. Feeling weak, listless, nauseous

For radiation, the treatments would last approximately four to five weeks. During that time she would have to go to the vet each day, be sedated, receive treatment and come home each night with meds to help with side affects.

For chemo, the treatments would occur after radiation is completed and would last approximately three to four weeks. During that time she would have to go to the vet three times a week, receive treatment and come home at the end of those days with meds to help with side affects.

Personal Point of View:

Pros:

Treatment would potentially give me more time with Tasha

I would feel like I have done everything possible to treat her. I am a "fixer" so that is a hard one for me to get past.

Cons:

Treatment would potentially (with a high probability) impact Tasha's quality of life during her remaining time with us.

She would be stressed during treatment because she does not like going to the vets, being sedated, or driving in a car.

It was very hard to watch Tasha after the surgery, because she was in pain, and didn't understand why and for how long it would last. With further treatment, this would continue.

Tasha loves to play frisbee, run in the yard, sleep on the couch, jump on the bed, and play with her buddy Skolby. All of these things would be put in jeapardy, at least for the short-term, if not permanently.

I have also asked many friends and family members and received the following advice:

Dogs do not view time in the same way that we humans do. They live in the moment. They have no concept of a year from now, let alone six months from now.

The quality of life is more important than the length of life.

Working dogs need to have a purpose. If they are not able to work, it causes them stress and anxiety.

With all of these points taken into consideration. I have decided that Tasha deserves the utmost respect in her remaining days with us; I will not continue with any more treatment, but let her live her remaining days in comfort and filled with love. The "fixer" in me is having difficulty with this decision, but the mother in me sees that it is more important to let her be happy, let her live her days doing the things that she loves, and being happy and without pain; even if this means that the amount of time she is with us is shortened.

A Beautiful Christmas!

2008-12-26T07:59:00.000-08:00

We started Christmas with the opening of presents on Christmas Eve. Tasha was not into the presents as much as Skol was.

Tasha enjoyed her gift, a small black, stuffed moose, and she brought it to bed with her that night.

In the morning, Tasha wasn't feeling very good. I was worried we had taken a turn for the worse, but as the day progressed, she perked up. While I was cooking the pups kept me company and watched for any yummy morsels that might happen to drop to the floor.

Once the food was prepared and the house decorated, Tasha decided that she was feeling better and wanted to go outside and play. Kevin and I had tears in our eyes watching her catch her Frisbee for the first time since she was diagnosed.

Our family arrived soon after our playtime outside, so we did our final tasks for dinner and sat for a wonderful dinner. We laughed, we ate, we exchanged gifts, and we just enjoyed a wonderful Christmas together.

Happy Holidays!!!!!

So Many Questions...So Few Answers

2008-12-20T19:28:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was the call from the vet to tell us that they have confirmed through the pathology report that it is definitely adenocarcenoma. Ok, so now we know what we are working with. But, that doesn't help me decide how far we should go with treatments. The vets can't tell me what is the best, but that we have surgery, chemo, and radiation as possible treatments. If we just do surgery, the cancer will eventually come back, but there are no timelines as to when this will happen. If we do surgery and chemo, there is no data to say it will make any difference to the timeline of events. If we do all three, it is her best chance, but then she will have three months of feeling sick and miserable during all of the various treatments, and there are no guarantees that she will have any more than a year. Without all the treatments, it could be six months to a year.

We have already done the surgery. It has been hard on Tasha. I worry that we will never get our sweet girl back after this. I know that her surgery was very invasive, but she is still slow moving, her legs are still swollen, and she gets tired very easy. The Tasha that we know and love is full of life, loves to play Frisbee, and can't get enough playing with her buddy Skol. I don't want to steal this love of live from her, I want her to have the best possible life for as long as she can.

So today has been me asking questions of myself. When am I doing what is best for Tasha and when am I just being selfish because I am not ready to say goodbye to her yet? Is my fear of cancer and the treatments of cancer keeping me from doing all that I can for her? Do dogs respond differently to these treatments than people to?

I have had friends suffer through radiation treatments and chemo and their lives ended in the hospital for the final months of their lives because they were so sick. Would it have been better to stop treatments sooner and just enjoy the time they had left, feeling stronger and better? Do I do the treatments with Tasha and prolong her life, yet she may not have the quality of life, or do I let her live her remaining days recovered from surgery and happy and strong until she is ready to leave us?

There are no answers today; only more questions, more fears, and more sadness.

Trying to find Christmas

2008-12-18T19:15:00.000-08:00

I heard on the radio this morning that I am not the only one that is having a hard time finding the joy around the holiday's this year. For many the worries about our country and the economy has become so overwhelming that it has made it difficult to wrap around the feelings surrounding the holiday. I have many of the same worries regarding our country and the economy and it is certainly affecting our moods, but I also feel that Tasha's diagnosis has also brought a level of anxiety to the house.

We have put up the tree and the decorations around the house. I have wrapped presents and put them under the tree. I delivered some of the presents to friends already and although I felt the happiness that comes from sharing gifts with others, it didn't last long and fear and anxiety returned. I am hopeful that with the time that is left before the holiday, I can reach deep down and allow the joy of the holiday to come out. I want to replace the stress and anxiety that is surrounding our house with happiness so that the pups do not sense and react to the stress, but rather relax and feel safe.

I searched through the archive of pictures for Tasha and Skol during Christmas and found the two below. They did bring a smile remembering the fun we had on this particular Christmas.

Our little Tasha Reindeer!

Out little Skol not wanting to wear his hat.

What comes after exhausted?

2008-12-17T17:58:00.000-08:00

So my day started with tears, but only because I was sad about leaving my sweet puppies while I went to work. Tasha as you can see from the picture was staying close to me as I got ready. I made her comfortable in the kitchen, with blankets, water, and a nice bed right in the most coveted sun spot in the room. I had to put her plastic collar on, in order to prevent her from pulling at her staples and stitches. I hated seeing her in this, because she banged into walls and was miserable in it, but I knew it was necessary. I couldn't bring myself to take her picture in it because she hates it so much.

I could tell that Skol was needing a little extra attention too; you can see in the picture that he is sitting on the "sick blanket" looking ever so cute so he would get a special hug before I left for work. He is such a good boy and he is being so sweet to his girl. My favorite is to watch him lay in front of Tasha, nose to nose, and he watches her sleep and kisses the top of her head. He is so gentle with her, so loving.

Even though it was hard, I made it to work and knew that Tasha was being well cared for by my husband. I did my day at work and made my way home. When I got home my husband told me that Tasha had got a little spunk to her and jumped up onto the bed. I quickly checked her stitches and everything looked ok. But an hour later, as we were making dinner, Tasha started to have drainage and it wouldn't stop. I immediately called the vet, who told me to watch her during the night and if it got worse, bring her in immediately.

So, Tasha and I stayed up all night. I held her on the floor to keep her calm, quiet and still and held a towel on her to keep her wound from draining. At 8:00 AM I decided to take her into the vet again, as it just didn't seem right for the wound to still be draining. We arrived at the vet and they looked her over and ran new blood tests.

The good news is that it turned out to be lymph drainage, which is actually a good thing. So the vet sent us home with good news and told us that she was really doing well after such invasive surgery after such a short time ago. We then went home and I worked while she slept.

I am exhausted after staying up with her all night, but I am blessed to have had another day with her. So, even tired, I am thankful for another wonderful day with my sweet pups!

Another Day....A little Stronger

2008-12-15T18:34:00.000-08:00

Tasha was in more pain last night, I am sure because of the car ride home and getting in and out of the car. I put a futon mattress down on the floor in the bedroom and slept on the floor with her to keep her comfortable. Because she was in pain, she needed more attention during the night, so I woke whenever she needed me, to make her feel safe and comfortable.

I decided to stay home with her for another day and she and Skol slept together while I worked. I am happy to report that Tasha ate two meals today and a snack tonight. She also took a walk out to the mailbox with me, so she seems to be feeling better and gaining more strength each day.

We decided to decorate for Christmas tonight, because we wanted the house to feel the spirit of the holiday; in the hope that it would help overcome the sadness that we are feeling. Tasha had her blanket on the floor and watched as we decorated. Skol enjoyed the festivities on the couch sleeping.

Tomorrow I need to go back to work and my heart breaks just thinking about leaving her for the day. But she is stronger and Kevin will take good care of her while I am gone, so it is time to start back at life again.

Our Journey Thus Far

2008-12-14T13:22:00.000-08:00

It all started with Tasha playing out in the yard, getting really tired, throwing up, and just being sluggish. I wasn't too worried, because sometimes dogs get sick and it clears up right away. So when we got up the next day and she was running and playing with her faithful sidekick Skolby, I thought everything had passed.

Four days later, she wakes up moving very slowly and throws up again. She followed me around the house ad wouldn't leave my side, which was not typical for her, as she is the more independent one of the two dogs. I looked her body up and down and noticed some swelling in her rectum, so I immediately took her to the vet.

Once at the vet, they did a rectal exam and became very concerned that they felt a mass that needed to be reviewed right away. They immediately set up an appointment with the University of Georgia's Vet Hospital in Athen's GA. Our world was changing quickly and we could hardly believe it. She still looked so healthy, yet it appeared that looks can be deceiving.

So we started our journey to Athen's together. To the hospital and to the vets who would hopefully tell us that it was something easy to cure and not cancer. After all, it is Christmas time, so why wouldn't I think that we could have a miracle?! We arrive at the hospital and they take us in and start to perform an examination and various tests to determine what is wrong with our sweet little girl. The initial results are not good, they indicate cancer but further tests are required to be sure. So I sign paperwork and await my pups return to me. The tests last all day and I am allowed to come back and visit with her later that evening. The vet tells me that she is fairly certain that this is cancer and surgery is an important next step, and they would like to do the surgery the next day. I am sad, I am scared, and I am still hoping for the surgery to prove that it is something that is easily explainable and easy to treat. After all, only four days ago, my pup seemed perfectly healthy and happy.

Tasha and I spent the next day together awaiting for her surgery. It was great to have a day with her, but not in a hospital. You can see from the picture that she was nervous, but we were together so we tried to make the best of it. We laid on the floor, took naps, chased her favorite toy across the room. The hours moved slowly by while we waited. Many emergencies came in, so her surgery got pushed back again and again. Then just as we thought it wouldn't happen, they came in to get her and take her back. I kissed her goodbye, told her I loved her and then waited. Six hours later I got the word that she was out of surgery. It was more involved than originally thought, the spleen was involved, several lymph nodes were involved, and the original tumor was quite large. Now we need to see how she comes out of the surgery.

The next day after surgery, I went to visit her in the morning. The vet is concerned because she has paralysis in her back legs. She is not able to use her back legs. She is carried with a sling into the room with me. I visit with her for a few hours and she is taken back with a cart to the ICU so she can receive more fluids. I come back later in the evening, with a bag full of yummy goodies that she could eat. When I get there, she is able to move her legs and walk with support, she is in pain, but she eats turkey and cheese from me while she lays there. I, again, stay with her for another few hours and she is taken back to ICU. I went back to the hotel for the night.

The next day, my sweet girl took her first steps on her own. It was not nerve damage from the surgery, so good news! We visit and she eats more snacks. The vets tell me that during the night her blood counts had dropped, so she must watch again overnight. This means that she can't come home with me. I stay with her for as long as I am allowed and then leave. I can't come back for a visit that night because it is a weekend and there is no one to let me in. So I make the long ride back home to surprise my family.

I arrive home and my good little boy is awaiting my return. He greets me with kisses and I lay with him on the couch and make him feel safe. He sleeps by me on the floor near the bed all night, he can smell Tasha on my clothes, but seems confused why she is not here with us now. We both sleep. I awake first thing in the morning and make my long drive back to the hospital to go and pick up my girl.

I pick up my girl and we make the journey back home. She is tired, in pain, but happy to be heading home. We are home now and we await what life has to bring us over the next few months.

Now we wait and see how she does from the surgery and if she will need chemotherapy as well. We will hear mid-next week the final lab results on the tumors removed. So, again we wait. More news to come as we have it.

Who is Tasha and why this blog?

2008-12-14T09:20:00.000-08:00

Tasha came to us at a little over 9 weeks old. I remember going to pick her up, I was so excited to see her and bring her home. I arrived at Denise's house and she was waiting for me. I scooped her up and we got into my car to start the long ride home. We made it to the highway before she stepped up onto my lap...looked up at me with those sweet eyes and proceeded to throw up all over my lap. Then she walked over to the passenger's seat and went poop, whined and cried the rest of the way home. Nothing she did could take away from the fact that I loved her with all my heart; she was my baby girl!

On December 12th our world was shattered when we learned that our sweet little girl had adenocarcinoma and could die quickly without medical intervention. This blog is to document the her life to this point, as well as her life battling cancer.